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Edna Brandt

Encountering Yourself in Daily Practice by Edna Brandt



Sometimes when I practice tai chi, it is wonderful and beguiling

and fulfilling. Sometimes when I practice, I realize that I am a total

mess. My back is stiff; I'm still leaning forward after all these

years; I can’t stop my mind; I can't slow down; I’m bored; I can't

sink; I can't relax…and so on.


Daily practice is difficult. So often there is the temptation to

skip it. Though I usually make up some reason ("It's the dog’s

fault," or "The furniture is in the way" or “I just have to do one

more thing on the computer”), the truth is that I am avoiding

myself.


Encountering Yourself

Encountering yourself isn't always so comfortable. Yet, if you allow

the encounter, there’s a big harvest. This meeting yourself is one

way that tai chi is a spiritual discipline.


Can you meet yourself each morning and evening in all your

imperfections—and relax? Can you accept that you don’t do tai chi

perfectly—and relax? Can you feel the tension in your body—and

relax? Can you face yourself—and relax?


Relaxing your body is only part of it. Can you relax your mind?

Our minds get in the way of grasping tai chi: “I can't do this…I

can't remember…What comes next?…I'm not as good as the other

people in the class…I'll never be able to relax my shoulders…” Can

you let go of this litany—and just relax?


Inner Strength

Real inner strength comes from knowing yourself and accepting

that you are where you are today. When you relax with yourself,

willing to be a beginner, willing to be exactly who and where you

are, this self-acceptance will bring enormous benefits in personal

healing. As you are more open to yourself, you will be more open

to people and situations in your life.


Thus you don’t really learn tai chi in your weekly class. You

learn tai chi at home during your daily practice, being present to

yourself and relaxing with yourself. Whatever level you are, from

beginner to advanced, this task of meeting yourself continues.

Your teachers have their struggles with practice, just as you do.

This inner aspect of tai chi is much more important than the outer

aspect of what the postures may look like.


Relax

Thus, let go of the idea of doing tai chi “right” or “wrong.” There

isn’t any wrong: you are practicing correctly for your body at this

time.


Rather, consider, “Where are my tensions?” and “How can I be

more relaxed and in accord with tai chi principles?” Don’t do it by

force—simply allow yourself to be less tense and more in balance.

In your daily practice, encounter yourself and relax. Just relax. It’s

a great feeling.

© 2012 Edna Brandt

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